Friday, November 30, 2012

This next month in a nutshell

At this point I am starting to think that boot camp and tech school will be a vacation. It has been so crazy between preparing to leave, working my full time job, and trying so hard to dedicate enough time to my Avon business.
The weekends are normally my time to regroup, clean the house, have some me time, and take care of my Avon stuff. But I do not think I will have a weekend again before I leave. Last weekend I worked at my full time job to make up a day that I will be gone for vacation in December, this weekend is drill (my last drill), next weekend I work to make up another day of vacation and that Sunday leave for vacation, then I am down in Idaho for my dad’s retirement for a week and when I return I have 3 weeks left to make sure everything is in order to go.
Bills are my main concern. Some I have to log on and pay online, some are transfers, some are automatic, and some are checks…. It seems like its chaotic and everywhere! I have taken a calendar and wrote down everything on it on the dates they are due and how to pay or if it is automatic. It’s not like Zeke doesn’t know how to pay them I just have things set up certain ways through my account and I just want to make sure I make it somewhat easy to handle. He will be going to school while I’m gone and keeping his full time job so the less complicated everything else is the better.
Then there is the issue of a POA. I don’t even know how that works or how to get one. I love my husband to death but there are some things I do not want him to be able to do as my POA and I have no idea how that works or if it can be regulated. Last thing I want to come home to is a sports car and a snow machine lol!
I will receive my “official” orders on the 19th during my out-processing brief. During this brief I will learn everything short of an address of where family and others to send mail. Just so that everyone knows I cannot broadcast on Facebook all the information I will get when I get to BMT. I can only call one person (Zeke) and he will post everything family/friends need to know somewhere to be determined. Maybe my Facebook, maybe his, I don’t know yet.
I came up with a pretty exciting idea so that I can share my experiences with my family, friends, and those preparing for BMT. I am not able to blog while in BMT but I can most certainly write in a journal. Right now I have a red journal with a heart on the front…. I am seriously contemplating getting a more “plain” one as to not attract too much attention to it. I am about 99% sure I am allowed to write in a journal during allotted “free time.” The same time we are allowed to write letters, read the bible, make our bed, fold our clothes, etc. Once in tech school or maybe even not until I return to Alaska I will scan the pages and post them on my blog and call them the “Boot Camp Diaries.” Neat idea huh? I hope I can make it work. I also do not want to post them all at once either, I want to spread it out, make it interesting and exciting.
I was talking with my husband the other night and asked him if he thought the military changed him. He told me he doesn’t think so. The reason I asked was because my grandfather, my father, and Zeke all do not think that the military changed them but the people around them say differently. In a way I want to change a little bit like I want to be less shy and be able to hold my own. Be more outgoing and less self conscious. But I am afraid of changing. I do not want to lose myself and the things that shape the person I know I am. Getting closer to this milestone in my life I have realized that going will happen and it is noting to be afraid of and I must embrace it in order to be able to endure the change I am going to experience. Zeke has told me to imagine it as summer camp. I have never been to a summer camp but it is a nice idea to try and think of it that way. It helps tremendously knowing that Zeke has done it and he admits that it was not that bad and he would do it again if it meant that he could be back in the military.
Besides all that I have been finding a little bit of time to read each day. Not as much as before so I have been on the same book for a while now. I am currently reading “The Book of the Dead” by Tom Knox and I like it. I really enjoy reading a good murder mystery but Tom Knox uses history and real locations in his griping stories with crazy twists and turns. It gets my conspiracy theory mind ticking in a fun way, not a crazy way. I am almost finished and I just hit a crazy twist that I never thought would happen and I kind of just sat there for a minute to soak in what I just read. Intense to say the least. The only con I would say that because of the historical and geographical references it makes it a little difficult to picture and understand. If I was reading an actual book and not my Kindle I would have a difficult time getting through it. Since I am able to touch words and a definition or a description pops up I am having an easier time with it. I also read Knox’s other book titled “Marks of Cain” and that was easier to understand and I felt like it was a little faster than this one I am reading now. I think when I am finished with this one I want to move on to “The Genesis Secret” also by Tom Knox. I enjoyed “The Da Vinci Code” because of the interesting references to the bible and the twists from it and “The Lost Symbol” also by Dan Brown that twisted historical and biblical references with a little bit of cult religion mixed in. “The Genesis Secret” sounds like a book with biblical twists that I might enjoy. Hopefully I will get to finish it before I leave. Sad I can’t take my kindle with me L

Friday, November 16, 2012

September seems so far away...

Time is ticking down and every day I am getting more and more nervous about BMT and tech school! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! There I feel better.
So last entry I briefly mentioned how September totally sucked well I think I have avoided that story long enough and I think I am strong enough to be able to write about it. If you are someone I regularly talk to you probably already know what this is about.
I have wanted to move to Alaska all my life but in the most recent years before actually making the move I knew I had to get here soon. The reason being is that I knew my grandparents have not been doing well and not to be morbid but I had a feeling it was only going to be a matter of time. My grandfather whom I have called papa since I could say papa was not obeying doctor’s orders to stop smoking and drinking and I only figured it was because he is a stubborn man who was not afraid of dying. In speaking with my grandmother before and since I have moved here he has become just angry and grumpy and mean to her. We all (as in family) figured it was his way of disconnecting so that we would not feel sad when he finally left us. We all should have know it was coming but earlier this year he went in to his doctor to get his pacemaker battery replaced. Well that seemed to fix it. He seemed faster, stronger, and almost in a better mood. Shortly after “the surge” ended and on September 4th, 2012 around one in the afternoon I received a call from my Aunt and I just could not believe what she was telling me. All she could get out was that grandpa had died and she was so distressed that my Uncle had to take over the phone call and tell me what happened. I have experienced loss only once before but it was when I was young and did not understand what to feel or the sorrow of others around me. But when I got this phone call my whole body was shaking and by the time I got off the phone I could not speak let alone hold back my raging tears. I walked to my husband who thank goodness works in the same building, and tried so hard to tell him what happened. Understanding, he walked me to our truck and told me to stay there and call my father. I could not get a hold of him so I called my mother so that she could relay the information. Shortly my husband returned to the truck with my things and said that he had told my boss and his that we would be out for a few days because we had a death in the family. We drove to our home and gathered some things to drive 3 hours to my grandparent’s property. We met up with my Aunt and Uncle at their house to help them and set out. When we arrived papa’s body was already taken and my grandmother was in tears. She told us her story. She came home in the afternoon to find him slumped in his chair and thought he was sleeping. When she went to get him up to go to the bed where he would be more comfortable he was cold to the touch and was not responding. She immediately called 911 and was able to get him down to the floor to administer CPR. Unfortunately it did not do anything and she was so distraught when the EMTs arrived that at first she would not let them take him. Everything after hearing the story seemed like a blur. I remember my father getting to the property, going to the funeral home to see my grandfather, driving back to Anchorage, picking up my mother and siblings, going to the memorial, then finally the funeral. Anything between these events were all jumbled.
I miss him greatly and always will. It is still very difficult to deal with the reality of not being able to talk to him or see him again. It is hard to imagine not seeing someone you expected to be there all the time.
A very sad blog post but in a way I feel relieved. I am normally a person who is open about my emotions but for the first time I did not want to show my sadness I felt and still feel. This is my way of dealing with the loss and hey it is a new day and age where this is acceptable.
Thank you all for the support and care I received during this very difficult time.